When I’m asked where I live, answering is hard
Whenever I go back home to the United States and people ask me where I live, it’s hard not to say the answer without sounding pretentious or bragging. This is because the truth, living in France, is often something that many Americans can only dream of. It certainly was a dream of mine while in college and shortly after graduation. In today’s post, I am going to try to explain why France is the new American Dream.
A Popular Destination
According to the New York Times, Europe was the most popular destination for Americans this summer, and France was one of the top destinations for Americans who did come to Europe. I’ve definitely started witnessing Americans traveling everywhere this year, as COVID rates have lessened and they have been able to travel abroad again.
But why France specifically? What does France have that the US doesn’t?
France is the light of the world. Her genius is to light up the universe.
-Charles de Gaulle
What Europe Means to Americans
“For centuries, and no matter how much it has changed, Europe, for us, has meant art and architecture, science and philosophy, fashion and fame, sex and perfume — and some connection to the past that, in an unbridgeable way, is unavailable to us back home” writes Benjamin Moser for the New York Times.
Why France is Special to Me
While France has definitely been a dream for many a francophile studying it in high school or college, for me, France has always been something more. When I was five years old I moved to Paris with my family, where I attended an American University. For six years my childhood consisted of having croissant with scrambled eggs, baguette with frosted flakes, and coming home from my American school to get my daily dose of French culture on TV.
France isn’t just a dream for me, it’s part of my identity. My story, my upbringing. Which is why coming back to France for work with my wife felt like a homecoming of sorts.
Experiencing France a Different Way
But in other ways it felt completely different. The French experience as a tourist, or as a child, was completely different from the French experience as an expat living and working in France. When I was here before it was my parents arranging everything and taking care of me. This time around it was me taking care of myself and my wife, an American who had no real prior experience of France or knowledge of the French language.
I spent a total of twelve years of my childhood living in Europe, returning to the US only for holidays to see family. They call us Third Culture Kids — children who have one nationality or culture, but grow up in a second nation or culture, resulting in a third culture that’s a mix of the two cultures and countries which shape our identity.
Experiencing culture shock, twice
So my first real culture shock was coming back to the United States and learning what being an American actually meant. All my life I thought I had been an American, but spending my first year at a community college in New Jersey taught me that because I hadn’t grown up watching all the same TV shows, eaten the same food, and gone to the same malls as my classmates, that I was actually “The European.”
My second culture shock was returning to France as an American and learning what it really means to be French, something I learned I never really learned in my childhood in the first place. It wasn’t until I became a sophmore in an American University in the US that I developped an interest in politics and economics.
French things I appreciated as an American
One of the things I understood innately, and missed, was the cafe culture of France. Not just for drinking coffees, what I mean by cafe culture in France specifically is how meals, or even aperos or a cafe, are often had outdoors on a terrace, on a cobblestoned street, in a pedestrian-only area. Waiters leave you alone, you can take all the time in the world, and the point is to enjoy what you’re imbibing and think about life.
This cafe culture experience is mostly absent in the United States. Waiters constantly come check up on you as if you’re a child that cannot be left unattended, and will often eagerly bring you the check “whenever you’re ready” as a non-too-subtle nudge to please leave so they can offer your table to the next customer. Pedestrian-only areas are exceedingly rare and often lack cobblestones or other old-world vibes.
Why Americans appreciate French Culture
These are things that I missed when I returned to the US. Which made me realize, it’s things that Americans perhaps appreciate as being different when they come to Europe, and to France.
Americans love being able to drink wine or beer on the streets openly, and not being shamed for it. They love being encouraged to eat and drink their fill, to focus on the quality and deliciousness of their food instead of counting its calories, or seeing how quickly they can wolf it down. The French also love taking their time and eating outside, because they are usually on vacation. They love doing all these things because it’s not what they’re used to, it’s not the norm for the culture they come from.
Back home in the US they will have to think about work again, since American culture is so focused on work and productivity. Much to an American’s surprise, the second question the French might ask an American tourist isn’t “what do you do for a living” but rather “What do you think of France?” or “How long are you here for? What are you planning to do?” This is because the French don’t ask each other about work too much in social situations, because it’s not as important as other things in life, such as family or quality of life.
Americans love pedestrian walking areas, and to discover an ancient gothic cathedral around the corner. They love the architecture on the buildings, and how everything feels so old in Europe, and in France.
On Finding Happiness Abroad
Living long-term in Europe will invariably dullen the shine of wonder that Americans typically have of Old Europe. The gothic cathedrals all seem to resemble each other, and lack of air conditioning or other modern elements that are typical in the US might feel more important. But the key to happiness is to appreciate the elements of where you live in the present moment, and for me, that’s recognizing how living and being in France is different from the US, so that I don’t take any of those magical elements for granted and I maintain that Old European gleam.
